I see the haggard hypocrite that is Elton John has slagged off The X Factor yet again. Specifically, he said he would rather get his “cock bitten off by an Alsatian” than watch the show.

Firstly, way TMI, Elton. Secondly, leave the animals out of it you sick fuck. Thirdly, just shut-up generally. I haven’t forgotten how you slagged off American Idol for being “racist”, and Pop Idol as “fucking cruel”, yet gleefully agreed to let both shows run ‘Elton John theme weeks’ which were big moneyspinners for you.

Meanwhile, I see that Brian Friedman is not sure whether he’ll return for the next series of the X Factor. I hope he doesn’t. There’s something creepy about him.

And calm.