Here is my latest column for Jewish News:

I first visited Israel in 2006 and on my return I wrote in these very hallowed pages about how tearfully thrilling it had been for me, a gentile philosemite, to finally meet my heroes. I went again in 2007 and then made my third visit to Israel last week. Here are some highlights…

1 As he had driven me through the sleet of east Berkshire to reach Heathrow Airport my taxi driver had spluttered on at me about Ashley Cole. The taxi driver who took me to my hotel in Tel Aviv put a beautiful classical music CD on as we cruised down Menachem Begin Road and we both played air piano. When I told him the name of my blog – Oy Va Goy – he nearly crashed the car laughing.

2 The following day I took the bus to Jerusalem and walked through the Kotel tunnels with my good friend Tal (pictured with me below). I really recommend a walk through the tunnels, though they are cramped. At one point we were followed down a very claustrophobia-inducing section by a large gang of young Israeli soldiers. I thought for a moment I was about to cop it for the British Mandate.

3 Ze’ev Jabotinsky is one of my heroes so I was excited to visit the Jabotinsky Museum. The cheerful guide took me to the presentation room and asked me to choose from two videos, explaining: “One is for your heart, one is for your brain.” I said “I have a very large brain so the brain one please.” He told me to sit in the third row for the best view. As I sat down he sighed: “No, that’s the fourth row. Not such a big brain, then…”

4 As it was a short trip I was only in the country for three lunches and three suppers. Of those six meals I ate shawarma in laffa for four of them. The physiological effects were far from ideal.

5 I lost count of how many iced coffees I bought from Aroma. Addictive – horribly unforgivably addictive.

6 A tip: if you want to pause for a moment in Mahane Yehuda Market to savour your halva-filled Hamantash then don’t worry about inconveniencing your fellows pedestrians – they’ll just barge straight through you. (cf Carmel Market the following day.)

7 The free internet wireless I discovered on the corner of Ben Yehuda and Frishman was handy for posting smug weather boasts on Twitter. I wasn’t the only one who regularly paused there for an iPhone session – I saw the same glamorous Jewess several times. I even got a smile out of her on the last day.

8 On my final evening in Tel Aviv I was punished for all my Twitter weather-boasts when there was what can only be described as a biblical rain storm. With the roads of the city having little drainage whole blocks turned into a river. So we took refuge in a great business just off Dizengoff Square which combines a cafe, a DVD store and a launderette. The rain was perfectly-timed – the heavens opened just after I had bought souvenirs for me and just as I was about to look for presents for friends. Not my fault I came back empty-handed, people – take it up with the big guy.

9 As I arrived at Ben Gurion for my return flight I remembered my first trip when I received a 150-minute questioning and search at the airport. I love Israelis and I love talking about myself so I was secretly hoping for more of the same this time. To my disappointment they whizzed me through check-in with barely a whimper. What am I – chopped liver?

10 As my flight home lifted off the land of Israel I was gripped by one thought. Come back. Come back soon.

You can read Jewish News online here.