“I want to make something very clear today. Will I ever join a Conservative government? No. I will never allow the Liberal Democrats to be a mere annex to another party’s agenda.”
Nick Clegg, in March 2008

How I have enjoyed watching Alastair Campbell wind-up Sky’s Adam Boulton over the last few days.

Round one: “Adam, I know you take yourself terribly seriously.” See it here.

Round two: “My god, this is live on television – dignity, dignity!” See it here.

1 The whole ‘bigoted woman’ controversy. I’m no fan of Gordon Brown but as the son of an east European immigrant I actually felt a little bit of sympathy with him that day.

2 Getting annoyed that not one party knocked on my door to ask for my vote. I’d have loved to have a good chat with the Lib Dem, Green or even BNP candidate.

3 Voting Conservative for the first time. I’ve explained my reasoning before and I stand by it. Still, it felt a bit weird to be doing so after always voting Labour before. Adam Afriyie is a great guy and I’m delighted he increased his majority in my constituency.

4 The hilarious appearance of Martin Amis during ITV’s election night coverage. I’m a huge Amis fan but it wasn’t his finest hour. I’ve a feeling it might have been one of his more drunken though…

5 Good old Bruce Forsyth popped up too. Nice to see him, to see him… a bit strange!

6 Almost hyperventilating with amusement and joy as the Lib Dems – after all that Cleggmania nonsense – actually managed to end up with less seats than last time!

7) Liberal Democrats candidate Ed Fordham, who ran such a peculiar campaign, losing in Hampstead & Kilburn. Fordham tried to model himself as another Barack Obama. Well, among many differences between them is that Obama came first but Fordham came third. (Just a shame Chris Philp didn’t win.)

8 Martin Linton, George Galloway and Nick Griffin all losing. Oy va joy!

9 The irony of the Liberal Democrats coming third overall but in many ways holding all the cards in the aftermath. Funny how they moan about the unfair electoral system…until the unfairness works in their favour.

10 Watching idiotic Liberal Democrat supporters get their knickers in a twist about Nick Clegg talking with Cameron. We’ve been telling you Clegg’s a vacuous fake for months, people.

How was the election for you?

This funny short video strangely sums up my life over the past few months. I had my book about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie published by Penguin. I went to Israel. I sang Dayenu at a seder. I haven’t been in a limo of late, but am always open to offers…

When I wrote a slightly bitchy profile of Prince William for The Big Issue in 2005 I got months of hassle from his suprisingly rousable fanbase. Not just months and months of letters, faxes and phone-calls but umbrella-brandishing old women turning up on the doorstep to remonstrate with me.

Someone very close to his old man put the boot in with my boss, too. It was made known that offence had been taken at a comparison I had made between William and Kenyan antelopes, and that my observation about his thinning hair was the part that had gone down particularly badly.

So I am amused by the way the homeless/magazine/baldness themes have coincided again for Wills with today’s hair-gate scandal. I’m sure the photo is entirely authentic and natural. I don’t believe for a moment that the future king of England has been touched-up by a homeless man…

But if it did…

All together now…

This is a short clip from the episode of the popular BBC quiz show The Weakest Link in which one of the questions was about one of my books.

I’ve never once aspired to be a hairdresser. Yet all of a sudden it seems a rather tempting career path.

A bit of tongue-in-cheek fun in this festive time. Happy holidays dear readers!

From The Weakest Link last week:

Anne Robinson: “What is the name of Israel’s most prominent secret intelligence service?”

Contestant: “Al-Qaeda.”

And this was the winning contestant!

I remember when the Berlin Wall came down. I was an angry student at the time. A few weeks later I was rowing with my Dad about some political issue and I railed at him about how out of touch I thought he was.  But he had the last laugh.

Me: “You’re so out of touch! Did you know the Berlin Wall has come down?”

Him: “I didn’t even know it went up!”

I love Starbucks with all my heart. But I warn you, don’t even think of trying their new Toffee Nut Latte. It’s instantly, unmanageably addictive. The moment I took my first sip yesterday I thought: “Oh you swines!”

As if their Mocha Frappucino (with Peppermint Syrup and cream on top) had not caused enough havoc in my life. Rehab here we come!