When I wrote a slightly bitchy profile of Prince William for The Big Issue in 2005 I got months of hassle from his suprisingly rousable fanbase. Not just months and months of letters, faxes and phone-calls but umbrella-brandishing old women turning up on the doorstep to remonstrate with me.
Someone very close to his old man put the boot in with my boss, too. It was made known that offence had been taken at a comparison I had made between William and Kenyan antelopes, and that my observation about his thinning hair was the part that had gone down particularly badly.
So I am amused by the way the homeless/magazine/baldness themes have coincided again for Wills with today’s hair-gate scandal. I’m sure the photo is entirely authentic and natural. I don’t believe for a moment that the future king of England has been touched-up by a homeless man…
In what is becoming an Oy Va Goy tradition, I would like to wish the brilliant Ilan Schogger a very happy birthday. If only all in the world could be as cool, clever and kind as that little fella!
I remember when the Berlin Wall came down. I was an angry student at the time. A few weeks later I was rowing with my Dad about some political issue and I railed at him about how out of touch I thought he was. But he had the last laugh.
Me: “You’re so out of touch! Did you know the Berlin Wall has come down?”
I love Starbucks with all my heart. But I warn you, don’t even think of trying their new Toffee Nut Latte. It’s instantly, unmanageably addictive. The moment I took my first sip yesterday I thought: “Oh you swines!”
As if their Mocha Frappucino (with Peppermint Syrup and cream on top) had not caused enough havoc in my life. Rehab here we come!
“Awight guv? My name’s Danny Dyer! I’m a bit of a geezer – pretty much a gangster actually. I’m well ‘ard! I live on the edge, I’m a bit dodgy, innit. A bit of a rogue.”
Yes, I remember you saying. It must be fun building your career on the glamorisation of crime. How are you anyway?
“Boo hoo! Someone nasty cwiminal stole my car and I’m SO upset about it! Sob! Why are people so nasty? I want my Mummy!”
