“Awight guv? My name’s Danny Dyer! I’m a bit of a geezer – pretty much a gangster actually. I’m well ‘ard! I live on the edge, I’m a bit dodgy, innit. A bit of a rogue.”
Yes, I remember you saying. It must be fun building your career on the glamorisation of crime. How are you anyway?
“Boo hoo! Someone nasty cwiminal stole my car and I’m SO upset about it! Sob! Why are people so nasty? I want my Mummy!”
I love a bit of good news, and this news is nothing short of grand!
Is it just me, or is Wham! star Andrew Ridgeley starting to look like Menachem Begin? (I’m not saying this is a bad thing.)
I had a lovely time with the Schoggers during Rosh Hashanah. The aforementioned Ilan was perfection himself as always, as was their daughter Michal. She’s pretty much my favourite person ever. And I got to do the whole Shabbos Goy thing again.
That was only the start of the fun! Aside from the food and the opportunity to gaze longingly across the table at the increasingly lovely Lauren, other highlights included: visiting Borehamwood & Elstree Synagogue on such a holy day, Ilan calling me “Mr Bibi” and Damian’s mother saying that looking at me, she’d think I was in my 20s. The stuff dreams are made of! Thank you, Schoggers!
As I traveled home full of food, joy and pre-X Factor tension, I read a feature in the Daily Mail about this Thursday’s return of Question Time. Various panelists offered a memory of their time on the show, including George Galloway. He said: “The first time I went on I was punched very hard in the stomach by Robert Maxwell. He gave no reason for the attack, other than to say, ‘Ah, Mr Galloway, the man who supports the PLO.’”
Oh well, Cap’n Bob wasn’t all bad then!
I did another newspaper review on BBC Radio London yesterday. It was great fun. If you want to hear it, and find out who I described as ‘four old bags at a bus-stop’ it’s on Listen Again here, 1.33 in.
I have blogged before about the wonderful Schoggers (Damian and the phwoarsome Lauren) and the lovely meals I’ve had at their house during Pesach and Shabbat. The food and company are always unforgivably wonderful – and just call me Shabbos (Oy Va) Goy. They’ve kindly invited me back for Rosh Hashanah.
Damian keeps an actual blog on the Jewish Chronicle website about their brilliant kids Ilan and Michal. Recent posts have covered the challenges of Ilan’s use of a four-letter word, including how hard they find it to keep a straight face.
Sounds hilarious! I reject any suggestion that I am secretly hoping Ilan lets rip during Rosh Hashanah lunch…
* I know that’s not how you pronounce his name! It’s a running joke.
I either walk or jog past this sign in Eton High Street most days. It always makes me laugh, so I thought I’d share it with you. Oy va goy, indeed!
Seeing as the last batch of photos of me entertaining my lovely Israeli visitors seemed to go down so well, here are some more as the Israeli odyssey continues gloriously.
More such days out to come. Normal Oy Va Goy service will be resumed in due course.
I am very busy this week. No, not writing biographies but out and about in London with numerous visiting Israeli friends who all seem to be arriving at once! 
George Galloway is on Question Time on BBC1 tonight.
Dream question: “Would the panel like…meeee….to be… the cat?”
It’s my special Israeli friend Tal’s birthday on Saturday. She’s a great young lady from a wonderful family. So – a very happy birthday, Tal! May all your dreams come true. The DVD is on its way. In the meantime, here is a photo of a certain Harry Judd – especially for you. Enjoy it, my love!
Today I am expecting delivery of Don’t Tread On Me: Anti-Americanism Abroad by the great Carol Gould. I’ll be interviewing Carol about the book for Oy Va Goy in the coming weeks.
Tonight I am off for Friday night dinner at the home of the brilliant Jonathan Hoffman of the Zionist Federation.
And this Sunday it’s my birthday. Good times.
Following on from the success of Britain’s Got Talent and amid increasing anti-Israel sentiment in the UK arts world comes a brand new reality television contest: Britain’s Got Bigots!
The contest is open to anyone who is disappointed with their life and wants to blame Israel for all the world’s ills. Contestants will perform in front of a judging panel of filmmaker Ken Loach, playwright Caryl Churchill and clown Alexei Sayle at the plush, exclusive Royal Court Theatre in Londonistan.
There will be no public vote, as it is morally wrong to impose democracy on people who are not civilised enough to deal with it. However, the winner will get the chance to perform at the Edinburgh International Film Festival.
Watch out for related forthcoming reality shows including Anti-American Idol, What Do You Do With A Problem Like Sharia and I’m A Suicide Bomber – Get Me Out Of Here. Disappointed antisemites of the world apply – you have nothing to lose but your obscurity!
Get ready for Britain’s Got Bigots – where diversity always comes last!
Sponsored by The Guardian and Press TV.
